i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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