Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
