I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
