I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
