i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
