Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
