I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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