Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize