Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
