PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
