Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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