The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize