I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
