Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
