Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
