Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize