I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
