Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it hurts more in the daytime
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
