im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
