do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
