We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
