You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
