This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
