I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
