I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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