The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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