my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
