i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize