I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
