What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
