Soap is not a condiment
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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