Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you traded sex for a burrito?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Randomize
