my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
