the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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