you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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