i just had sex bonerless
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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