I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
