Your face is a jimmy john
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
