and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
