found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
