she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
