Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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