Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize