its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i think im in europe. pls send help
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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