Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
