Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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