apparently the secret to your success is patron
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
