It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
