Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
