she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
