I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
