YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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