dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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