Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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