He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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