I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
