He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
