do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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