I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
