just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
