i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize