when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
