I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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