Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
