I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
