You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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