Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
