Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
as a side note pls kill me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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