he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
