I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
