p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize