My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
